I have father issues. Anyone who has spent any time with me can attest to this fact. It was also one of the driving forces between Jase and me. Growing up in households, the eldest stepchild, our upbringings held significant similarities.
Jase's mum passed away before I met her. When we started navigating all of his dialysis, I really had no information about his health. Neither did he. Jase knew the basics but never the details. Never having contact with his biological father, we were at an extreme disadvantage. I was not clued on enough to ask the right questions of the doctors. I rolled with the flow of Jase's journey whereever it steered me.
Eight months into our relationship, family dynamics across the board were getting complicated. In a turn of events, a newspaper headline and a phone bill in Jase's birth surname, led to contact from a family he thought wanted nothing to do with him. Complicated family histories and one-sided stories guided us to a meeting with Jase's father, nineteen years since he had previously seen his two boys.
Needless to say, navigating the turmoil of that story, left my daddy issues in the dust.
We start off with an introduction of our lives as kids and how it turned us into the adults we became in the process. Covering a timeframe of about three months, it catalogues conversations and a backstory no one saw coming, not even the boy in question. The climax of the chapter is through a story which alcohol infused tears told the tale of a toddler with tenacity. Although it seemed like such an insignificant turn of events in the beginning, it drives a lot more of the story between Jase and I.
The song for this chapter tells of a father present at the birth of his child, the nostalgia, the dreams, the promises one can never keep as they become great parents. This meeting, in a sense, was similar. Although both boys were full-grown men, the lost time instilled their relationships in a child-like naivity; the belief we will always be the best version of ourselves once we become parents. I suffered from that delusion for a good chunk of my life and although I'm not a bad mother, I know there are things I could have, in hidsight, handled better.
Is this, afterall, what makes us human?
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I applaud you for this what can only be called an anthology to Jase and do realise the brevity of your journey
I can also appreciate the catalyst moment of your knowing how all of this has affected your life journey
In short you are bloody amazing And we Billy and I love you